希伯来铁锤

希伯来铁锤 (2003) 6.2

The Hebrew Hammer

2003-09-27(瑞典)| 喜剧| 美国
上映时间:2003-09-27(瑞典) 类型: 喜剧
国家/地区:美国 
评分: 力荐
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Mordechai Jefferson Carver, aka the Hebrew Hammer, is an orthodox Jewish stud who goes on a mission to save Hanukkah. When Santa Claus's evi...更多>

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oice on Intercom: Attention, all K-Mart shoppers, there are Jews in Aisle 12. Mordechai Jefferson Carver: Shabbat Shalom, motherfuckers. Mrs. Carver: So, what are your plans for after the wedding? Mordechai Jefferson Carver: Kill you. Mordechai Jefferson Carver: [Praying with tefillin] Baruch atah adonoi... I don't know what the hell I'm saying. Mohammed Ali Paula Abdul Rahiem: What you doing? Mordechai Jefferson Carver: I'm prayin' to God we don't kill ourselves gettin' over this wall. Mordechai Jefferson Carver: Let's dance the hora. Santa Damien: You're a hora! Chief Bloomenbergansteinthal: G-dash-d dammit, Hammer! Mordechai Jefferson Carver: [talking on the phone] I need you to get in contact with the Worldwide Jewish Media Conspiracy and mass-produce every holiday movie that has a Jewish protagonist who is depicted in a positive light. Chief Bloomenbergansteinthal: So you want me to mass produce "Yentl," "Fiddler on the Roof," and Chaim Potok's "The Chosen"? Mordechai Jefferson Carver: Right. Mrs. Carver: What with all the attention the newspapers and television has been giving you, you'd think you were the Pope or something. Santa Damien: [trying to distract Mordechai] OH, LOOK! A bowl of Matzoh-ball soup! Mordechai Jefferson Carver: [looks away] Yum. [Damien runs] Santa Damien: You numb-nutted, gimpy little bitch! Mordechai Jefferson Carver: Hey, you don't wanna pick up this penny? Mohammed Ali Paula Abdul Rahiem: Nooooooooo! Mohammed Ali Paula Abdul Rahiem: The Hebrew Hammer, Jew boy, my main-man Kike. Mordechai Jefferson Carver: Mohammed Ali Paula Abdul Rahim, my main nigga. Mohammed Ali Paula Abdul Rahiem: Wassup, dog? [Mordechai and Mohammed high-five] Mordechai Jefferson Carver: Wassup? White Accountant: [incredulously] Y-you just called him a Kike. And you, you just called him a Nigger! Mohammed Ali Paula Abdul Rahiem: Well, it's okay when *we* calls each other that. Mordechai Jefferson Carver: Yeah, that's how it goes. Mohammed Ali Paula Abdul Rahiem: Yeah. White Accountant: [utterly dumbfounded] Oh. Santa Damien: [shouts] Watch it with the fucking cane! Mohammed Ali Paula Abdul Rahiem: Who brings in the dope? Members of the Kwanzaa Liberation Front: The white man! Mohammed Ali Paula Abdul Rahiem: Who brings in the guns? Members of the Kwanzaa Liberation Front: The white man! Mohammed Ali Paula Abdul Rahiem: Who brought in that disco? Members of the Kwanzaa Liberation Front: The white man! Mohammed Ali Paula Abdul Rahiem: Who brings in that naaaasty-aaaass Jheri curl? Members of the Kwanzaa Liberation Front: The white man! Mohammed Ali Paula Abdul Rahiem: And who tries to put they motherfuckin' foot up Kwanzaa's ass? Members of the Kwanzaa Liberation Front: The white man! Mohammed Ali Paula Abdul Rahiem: That's right! Mohammed Ali Paula Abdul Rahiem: [Much later] And who brought in Britney Spears? Members of the Kwanzaa Liberation Front: The white man! Mordechai Jefferson Carver: Now, the key of undercover work... is to blend in, OK? You act as a gentile would. Esther: Right. Samples Woman: Could I interest you in a free-sample bacon cheeseburger? Esther: [Esther gasps] Mordechai Jefferson Carver: [Affects a middle-America accent] Um, well, I thank you, gentile friend, for your generous offer of that... *deliciously* unkosher snack. I... sadly have to decline... for I already stuffed myself full of milk and meat product at a previous lunch engagement. Mordechai Jefferson Carver: [the Hebrew Hamer smiles a toothy grin] Esther: You're good.

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