Evil Roy Slade:
I can't read, you dumb love of my life!
Evil Roy Slade:
Hideout.
Doctor Delp:
Wanted.
Evil Roy Slade:
Poster.
Doctor Delp:
Bear.
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:
Teddy.
Doctor Delp:
What?
Evil Roy Slade:
Nothin'. Next question.
Doctor Delp:
What did you SAY?
Evil Roy Slade:
I didn't say nothin'!
Evil Roy Slade:
I learned a valuable lesson today. Never trust a pretty girl, or a lonely midget.
Evil Roy Slade:
[after making a deposit] Uh, I changed my mind. Give me my money back. In fact
[pulls out a gun]
Evil Roy Slade:
Give me everybody's money back!
Flossie:
[Roy is breaking up the gang] Roy, you aren't going to leave me alone are you? I love you.
Evil Roy Slade:
[pause] Alright, who wants Flossie?
Evil Roy Slade:
You know what nice is? Suppose there was a whole herd of dead cattle, dropped dead on the field, just for you. That's what nice is.'
Doctor Delp:
It's part of a science called phrenology.
Evil Roy Slade:
What's science?
Evil Roy Slade:
I ain't giving up. I've worked hard, it took me years to work my way to the bottom.
Preacher:
I have kings with an ace!
Evil Roy Slade:
I have threes with a gun.
Preacher:
You win!
Nelson Stool:
I learned two valuble lessons today: never trust a dumb nephew or a... slobbering bulldog.
Doctor Delp:
Try harder Roy, try to cry. If you can release one tear, it'll help you
Evil Roy Slade:
I don't know how to cry.
Doctor Delp:
Think. Think harder. Think about your lonely youth: no friends, no home, no warmth, no affection... cactus in your diaper
[Slade starts sobbing]
Doctor Delp:
Yes! Yes, there's a tear! We're curing you!
Evil Roy Slade:
Take that big fiddle out from between your legs. There are ladies present.
cello player:
But sir...
Evil Roy Slade:
I don't want no trouble, you just tuck it up under your chin like a fiddle's 'sposed to be played... now!
[pulls gun]
cello player:
Yes sir. Right now sir.
[trying to play cello like a giant violin & smiling]
Evil Roy Slade:
That's good.
Nelson Stool:
Marshall Bing Bell.
Clifford Stool:
Who is it?
Nelson Stool:
That's his name, you idiot!
Doctor Delp:
This is the ultimate test! I want you to shed your weapons... & walk across the room!
Evil Roy Slade:
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I cain't! I don't goin' nowhere without my guns! I even take a bath with my guns!
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Doctor Delp:
You don't NEED them, Roy! Take them off & walk! Oh Roy, try! Take off your weapons!
[Roy removes holster]
Doctor Delp:
Good!... Is that everything?
[Roy reaches up his sleeve for a knife]
Doctor Delp:
Whew! Anyting else?
[Roy removes gun from his sock]
Doctor Delp:
Oh, a little one, huh? Ok. Is that all?
[Roy removes a bomb from behind his back]
Doctor Delp:
Oh my goodness!
Evil Roy Slade:
[wobbly & sounding retarded] Ahhhhhhhhhhheeeeeee! I got... no... weapons!
Doctor Delp:
[moves across the room] Walk. Here, walk to me. WALK TO ME, ROY! WALK TO ME, ROY!
[Roy staggers & falls]
Doctor Delp:
ROY!
Evil Roy Slade:
I cain't! I cain't! I cain't do it! Cain't!
Doctor Delp:
You CAN do it! Try again! Try again, Roy! Come on, Roy! Come on. Come on.
[staggers & falls again]
Doctor Delp:
Ohhhhhh!
Evil Roy Slade:
[sobbing!] I cain't do it!
Doctor Delp:
You CAN do it!
Evil Roy Slade:
I cain't!
Doctor Delp:
Ack! Walk to me! Ohhh, Roy walk to me you sniveling little coward! Walk!
[Roy gets angry]
Doctor Delp:
Oooh!
Evil Roy Slade:
Who you callin'... A COWARD? Yeeeeeaahhh!
[gets up, lunges at Delp & strangles him]
Doctor Delp:
[strangled voice] Roy! Roy, you did it. You walked without your gun!
Evil Roy Slade:
Ahh... I did! A-Ha-Ha. I walked without my gun!
Doctor Delp:
Oh Roy!
[hugs him mumbling 'I knew you could do it' as Roy looks awkward]
Evil Roy Slade:
I KNEW he was one of them funny boys!
Marshal Bing Bell:
[laughs] Slade, you've given me trouble for the last time, the reward says dead OR alive. How you wanna go?
[plucks guitar]
Marshal Bing Bell:
E Sharp?
[plucks again]
Marshal Bing Bell:
or B Flat? Hmm?
Evil Roy Slade:
I ain't gonna kill him, I'm gonna do something a lot meaner. Heh-heh-heh-heh-heh!
Marshal Bing Bell:
[smug] What's that?
Evil Roy Slade:
I'm gonna shoot this guitar full of lead.
Marshal Bing Bell:
[panicking] No! No, Slade, no! No, n-n-n-not my guitar, Slade! No, it's the only thing I ever LOVED, Slade!
[runs in front of guitar & takes bullet]
Marshal Bing Bell:
... 'cept ME!
Evil Roy Slade:
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