[after nothing has gone right] Committee Chairman: Oh death where is thy sting? Woodrow: I knew the Marines could do almost anything, but I never knew they could do anything like this. Bugsy: You got no idea! Mayor Noble: She forgets her lines 'til rigor mortis sets in! Sergeant Heppelfinger: These flapjacks might taste better with a little butter on 'em Mrs. T. Mrs. Truesmith: Maybe you haven't heard Sgt. but there's a war on. Sergeant Heppelfinger: We're just a little bit short of cash, see... Cafe Owner: Uh, uh. Sergeant Heppelfinger: ...or I'd never make you this proposition. Cafe Owner: Ho, ho Sergeant Heppelfinger: I was going to save it for the museum, see, but when you're out on a limb you gotta make sacrifices, that's all. You follow me? Cafe Owner: I'm ahead of you. Sergeant Heppelfinger: I'm gonna let you in on the ground floor of something very, very rare. You remember when General Yamatoho committed hari-kari? Cafe Owner: Possibly. Sergeant Heppelfinger: I happened to be very close by, see. [winks, indicates he pulled out one of Yamatoho's teeth and shows the very large elk's tooth he got from one of the other Marines] Cafe Owner: Big man, wasn't he? Sergeant Heppelfinger: Immense! This is one of the rarest mementos... Cafe Owner: [as he pulls a large Japanese flag out of his coat] You wouldn't like to buy the flag they buried him in, would you? I could let you have it very reasonable. [pulls out another flag] Cafe Owner: I have it in several sizes. [begins to pull other items out of his coat pockets] Cafe Owner: MacArthur's suspenders! The first bullet that landed in Pearl Harbor... you can take your pick. A piece of a Japanese submarine. [turns the piece of metal over] Cafe Owner: If you look at it this way it becomes a German submarine. [turns the piece again] Cafe Owner: And this way it's a piece of a shell that just missed Montgomery! Here we have the seat of Rommel's pants. And last, but not least, we have a button from Hitler's coat... although that one I don't personally believe. Sergeant Heppelfinger: Wise guy. Sergeant Heppelfinger: It's an honor to meet you, kid. What's your name? Woodrow: Woodrow Lafayette Pershing Truesmith. Go ahead and laugh. Sergeant Heppelfinger: That ain't anything to laugh at to anyone who knows anything. Sergeant Heppelfinger: I guess you never got to know your father very well, eh? Woodrow: Well, not exactly... as he fell the day I was born. Sergeant Heppelfinger: That's right. It's hard to realize. He was a fine looking fellow. He didn't look anything like you at all. Forrest Noble:
If he waited a year longer, there might have been three of us to welcome him. If he waited two years, there might have been...
Libby: Oh, shut up. Forrest Noble: Well, that's what marriage is for isn't it? Libby: Oh, I suppose so, if you look at it from a purely unromantic standpoint - like a breeding farm. Mrs. Noble: [to her son, Forrest, answering Libby's desire not to tell Woodrow that she's become engaged to Forrest] Why under similar circumstances I'd be perfectly willing to pretend I wasn't married to your father for several weeks even. Mayor Everett D. Noble: You can make it for several months as far as I'm concerned. Heh! singer at train station: I got to have cooperation. I sing for him in seven flats. And he [indicating bandleader] singer at train station: won't play it in seven flats. American Legion Bandleader: We don't know how to play in seven flats. We're not musicians. singer at train station: You don't have to tell me. Woodrow Lafayette Pershing Truesmith: [referring to the band] Why don't they play something gay? [meaning happy] Bartender: Why don't you acquire a gay viewpoint. It's all mental - every bit of it. Smile and the world smiles with you. Frown and you frown alone. Woodrow Lafayette Pershing Truesmith: I'd just as soon be alone if it's the same to you. Bartender: Gratitude. Mrs. Truesmith: Why can't you wear your uniform for a little while? Libby's Aunt: You look so nice in it. Woodrow Lafayette Pershing Truesmith: I just got through explaining it's against regulations. Mrs. Truesmith: Well, I think that's perfectly ridiculous. Libby: So do I. Mrs. Truesmith: Your grandfather wore his Civil War uniform the rest of his life. Libby's Aunt: Kept having new ones made. Mrs. Truesmith: Said it helped remind people that brother fought brother. Woodrow Lafayette Pershing Truesmith: [looking at Sgt. Heppelfinger] Well his case was different! Mrs. Truesmith: [showing the Marines the shrine to Woodrow's father] Now I have two heroes. [looks at the six Marines] Mrs. Truesmith: I have eight heroes. Bugsy: You can sure put me on your flag. I sure ain't got anybody else. Mrs. Truesmith: I'd be very proud to. Woodrow Lafayette Pershing Truesmith: [after hearing that the town wants to build a statue of him] What do I do now? Sgt. Heppelfinger: Well, you just let it blow over. Woodrow Lafayette Pershing Truesmith: Did you ever see a statue blow over? Sgt. Heppelfinger:
I tell you it'll all blow over. Everything is perfect - except for a couple of details.
Woodrow Lafayette Pershing Truesmith: They hang people for a couple of details! Sgt. Heppelfinger: Look, I didn't get you in this. Woodrow Lafayette Pershing Truesmith: Oh, yes you did. I was gonna hide in the... Sgt. Heppelfinger: A Marine never hides. That's what Semper Fidelis means: it means "face the music". Woodrow Lafayette Pershing Truesmith: Well, it does not. It happens to mean "always faithful". Sgt. Heppelfinger: That's right. Faithful to your mother. Woodrow Lafayette Pershing Truesmith: It doesn't mean faithful to your mother at all. it means faithful to the Marines. Judge Dennis: [notices that Woodrow is in civilian clothes] Where are the medals? Woodrow Lafayette Pershing Truesmith: Oh, oh, the medals. Well, I just wore those to get off the train. I suppose I shouldn't have. Doc Bissell: What do you mean you shouldn't have? If all good men wore medals it wouldn't be so hard to tell the good from the bad. Woodrow Lafayette Pershing Truesmith: [to the crowd, trying to decline being nominated for mayor] I've known all of you all my life. I've mowed your lawns. I delivered milk for your babies. I even know the dogs and cats. Judge Dennis: [aside to Doc Bissell & Rev. Upperman] That milk and baby part is remarkable. Rev. Upperman: After that, he could be president! Mayor Everett D. Noble: [dictating his acceptance speech to his son, Forrest] I accept the responsibility with a sense of both humility, satisfaction and gratitude. Forrest Noble: You can't say "both humility, satisfaction and gratitude". "Both" means two, and you have "humility, satisfaction and gratitude". That's three. Mayor Everett D. Noble: I can't say it. Forrest Noble: You can not. Mayor Everett D. Noble: I've been saying it for years. Forrest Noble: Well, it isn't correct grammar. Mayor Everett D. Noble: I'm not running on a platform of correct grammar. Political Boss: [telling the mayor that Woodrow will be a write-in candidate] You can take it from me. This is a free country. They can vote for anybody they like. Mayor Everett D. Noble: But, that's disgraceful! Political Boss: I know it, but that's how it is - and the way it is, it don't look so good. Mayor Everett D. Noble: You mean he actually has a chance? Political Boss: A chance? Did you ever see a snowslide? Libby: [mad at Mayor Noble for criticizing Woodrow] That ass of a father of yours! Going around talking about people he doesn't know anything about. Forrest Noble:
You're still talking about your children's grandfather.
Libby: What are you trying to do? Depress me? If I thought they'd look anything like him... Forrest Noble: Well, I don't look anything like him. Libby: I've noticed that. I've pinned my hopes on it. Libby's Aunt: [comforting Libby, who's crying about Woodrow's return] Well, that's the war for you. It's always hard on women. Either they take your men away and never send them back at all; or they send them back unexpectedly just to embarrass you. No consideration at all. Sgt. Heppelfinger: They say opportunity's only got one hair on his head and you gotta grab it while it's going by and dog it down or you mightn't get another chance. town councilman: Let's get down to business. The trouble with our party is everybody talks too long all the time. Doc Bissell: That's the trouble with all parties. Libby: Do you remember when we used to come here in the cool of the evening? Woodrow Lafayette Pershing Truesmith: Naturally. Libby: I thought maybe you'd forgotten - so much can happen in a year. Woodrow Lafayette Pershing Truesmith: So much can happen in a day! Libby: I suppose so. Were you surprised when they nominated you for mayor? Woodrow Lafayette Pershing Truesmith: Surprised is not the word for it. Bugsy: [Woodrow has a nightmare about battle and falls out of bed. Bugsy comes into Woodrow's bedroom] What's the matter? Woodrow Lafayette Pershing Truesmith: Oh, I don't know. I guess I had a nightmare. Bugsy: You're lucky. Woodrow Lafayette Pershing Truesmith: Huh? Bugsy: You're lucky you don't have them all the time... like some guys. Woodrow Lafayette Pershing Truesmith: [eating pancakes for breakfast with the six Marines; Libby enters] Good morning, Libby. Won't you join us in a stack of collision mats - as they say in the good old Marine Corps. - and a cup of jamoke? [Woodrow - in his scheme - has just announced that the Marines have called him back] Judge Dennis: Why don't they leave you here where we need you? Libby: That's right. Doc Bissell: That's one of the weaknesses of the military viewpoint: doesn't always recognize the importance of civilians in wartime. Mayor Everett D. Noble: This problem is not local, it's national. In a few years, if the war goes on - heaven forbid - you won't be able to swing a cat without knocking down a couple of heroes. Now... are we going to be governed by young men - very young men - however well-meaning or patriotic they may be - whose principal talent consists of hopping in and out of wolfholes... Political Boss: Foxholes. Mayor Everett D. Noble: Huh? Political Boss<
/b>: They're called foxholes. Mayor Everett D. Noble: ...talent consists of hopping in and out of foxholes and killing hundreds of enemies with one swoop of the sword. Or... are we going to be governed by respectable civic leaders of mature age who do not seek the appointment, but accept it as a civic duty. I refer to men like... uh, well... myself. Mrs. Noble: Everett, I just have a feeling you're going to make an ass of yourself and I'm just going to pretend I don't know you. Mayor Everett D. Noble: I wish you didn't have to pretend! Woodrow Lafayette Pershing Truesmith: [telling the crowd the truth about his discharge] If I could reach as high as my father's shoestrings... my whole life would be justified - and I would stand here before you proudly... instead of as the thief and the coward that I am. Sgt. Heppelfinger: [after Woodrow reveals his discharge and leaves the auditorium] I just wanna tell you one thing, see. I've seen a lot of brave men in my life - that's my business. But what that kid just done took real courage. Train Ticket Clerk: [after Woodrow buys tickets to leave] Where are you going? Thought you was running for mayor. Woodrow Lafayette Pershing Truesmith: I changed my mind. Train Ticket Clerk: That's very unusual. Woodrow Lafayette Pershing Truesmith: Well, this is an unusual case Judge Dennis: [the crowd has re-gathered at the train station to see Woodrwow] Naturally the nomination went back to Doc Bissell. But he got up and said... Mr. Schultz: "Ladies and gents..." Doc Bissell: Don't mis-quote me. Judge Dennis: What? Doc Bissell: I said, "ladies and gentlemen." Committee Chairman: Of course you did. Doc Bissell: I said, "Ladies and gentlemen, in all the years that I have been unsuccessfully mixed into politics, this is the first and only time that I have ever seen a candidate for office - given an opportunity to prove publicly, permanently and beyond peradventure of doubt that he was honest, courageous and veracious..." Judge Dennis: That means truthful. He likes those big words. Doc Bissell: I said, further, "that if to act out a little lie to save one's mother humiliation was a fault - in other words, if tenderness toward and consideration of one's mother was a fault - it was a fault any man might be proud of." Doc Bissell: [explaining to Woodrow that the town still wants him to run for mayor] Politics is a very peculiar thing, Woodrow. If they want you, they want you. They don't need reasons anymore... they find their own reasons. It's just like when a girl wants a man. Libby: That's right. You don't need reasons. Although they're probably there. Sgt. Heppelfinger: [to Woodrow]
Give me six of them tickets, will ya? We still got a little work to do in our own line. So long, kid.
Mrs. Truesmith: [hugs Bugsy] Goodbye, dear. Woodrow Lafayette Pershing Truesmith: Will you come back? Sgt. Heppelfinger: Well, we always come back before. So long, everybody... see youse in church!