Maggie Hoffman: [to the flight attendant] Could I get a real bottle, please? I'm an alcoholic, not a Barbie doll. John Farley: Lets go, Woodcock. Mr. Woodcock: You must like getting spanked, Farley. I guess it runs in the family. John Farley: [quietly to Woodcock, as he seems stunned] Are you okay? John Farley: [loudly] RHETORICAL QUESTION, WOODCOCK! [slams him in the back with a chair] Mr. Woodcock: [after Farley flips Mr. Woodcock in hospital bed] One pothole in this entire town Farley... and you've managed to find it. Mr. Woodcock: I don't do 'Sorry'. John Farley: What? Mr. Woodcock: Sorry is for criminals and screw-ups... and I'm neither one. Maggie Hoffman: Look, I don't care if your granny is on fire. Maggie Hoffman: This is Oprah! She farts on a book and it magically sells a million copies. Nedderman: What's next, the Hitler Calzone? John Farley: You have a father? Mr. Woodcock: Of course I have a father, Farley, I'm not Jesus. Mr. Woodcock: S-s-s-set of ten!